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I think my mom is going crazy
Sevorak
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
My mom has been acting odd for a few months, but today she had a conversation with me that makes me think she's actually going crazy. She has been a diagnosed bipolar for over 15 years, and had an episode 5-10 years ago during which she was checked into a mental hospital for a few days. She is also in the process of divorcing my dad and getting their house ready to sell, and knows she will not have a job next year (she is a teacher). In the past nine months or so she has talked to me about things going missing or finding things not quite where she left them. Twice in the last couple months she has given me notes indicating that she believe my dad is up to something or messing with her. I thought it was odd but haven't done anything about it or talked to anyone about it because my own life has been very stressful and I didn't want to admit to myself that my mom might be going nuts.
Tonight we had over an hour conversation on the phone where she told me that she believes she is a victim of gang stalking and gaslighting, organized by my dad. She believes that a vast group of people are following her in cars and on the street, breaking into her home and work to steal things or move things around, antagonizing her in public areas, among other things. She looked these up on the internet and found stories from other people who believe that similar things are happening to them, as well as support groups for people who believe they are victims of gang stalking. She has hired a detective, whom she has not met in person, to investigate things for her. She says she has told bits and pieces to people close to her, including one of her sisters, a neighbor, and a close friend, but has not told anyone too much because she is afraid they will think she is crazy. Her sister and friend both told her to talk to her psychologist about this, but she says the communities online say to not do so because you never know who is in on this sort of thing.
For most of the conversation I stayed quiet, just listening in utter disbelief that these ideas were coming from my mom. I asked her if she has talked to my sister about this yet, and she started crying and asking how she could tell my sister that our dad is organizing a vast conspiracy against her (not her words, but my impression of what she believes). I tried to remain neutral, not encouraging her beliefs, but also not expressing outright disbelief. I encouraged her to bring these things up when she next sees her psychologist in order to help her with the stress that this is causing her, which she seemed agreeable towards. I also asked her what she was going to do next and she said that she wants to do as much as she can to make sure this stops happening to people. This frightened me because I'm afraid it will end her career. I don't think she'd do anything violent to someone she thinks is part of this stalking, but waging a public campaign against something that most rational people agree are delusional theories is not the best thing to have on a teacher's record.
I'm not sure what to do next. I haven't talked to my dad or sister yet, but I think I will have to. My sister at the very least. I don't have a therapist of my own, but I think I will be seeing one soon to help me deal with this. I'm probably overdue for seeing one anyway. But I really have no idea what course of action to take here. I want to help my mom, but I don't want to her hate me because I don't believe her or somehow see me as part of the conspiracy. Does anyone know someone who has gone through a similar thing and what sort of things can be done? My mom and I both live in California for whatever it matters.
Tonight we had over an hour conversation on the phone where she told me that she believes she is a victim of gang stalking and gaslighting, organized by my dad. She believes that a vast group of people are following her in cars and on the street, breaking into her home and work to steal things or move things around, antagonizing her in public areas, among other things. She looked these up on the internet and found stories from other people who believe that similar things are happening to them, as well as support groups for people who believe they are victims of gang stalking. She has hired a detective, whom she has not met in person, to investigate things for her. She says she has told bits and pieces to people close to her, including one of her sisters, a neighbor, and a close friend, but has not told anyone too much because she is afraid they will think she is crazy. Her sister and friend both told her to talk to her psychologist about this, but she says the communities online say to not do so because you never know who is in on this sort of thing.
For most of the conversation I stayed quiet, just listening in utter disbelief that these ideas were coming from my mom. I asked her if she has talked to my sister about this yet, and she started crying and asking how she could tell my sister that our dad is organizing a vast conspiracy against her (not her words, but my impression of what she believes). I tried to remain neutral, not encouraging her beliefs, but also not expressing outright disbelief. I encouraged her to bring these things up when she next sees her psychologist in order to help her with the stress that this is causing her, which she seemed agreeable towards. I also asked her what she was going to do next and she said that she wants to do as much as she can to make sure this stops happening to people. This frightened me because I'm afraid it will end her career. I don't think she'd do anything violent to someone she thinks is part of this stalking, but waging a public campaign against something that most rational people agree are delusional theories is not the best thing to have on a teacher's record.
I'm not sure what to do next. I haven't talked to my dad or sister yet, but I think I will have to. My sister at the very least. I don't have a therapist of my own, but I think I will be seeing one soon to help me deal with this. I'm probably overdue for seeing one anyway. But I really have no idea what course of action to take here. I want to help my mom, but I don't want to her hate me because I don't believe her or somehow see me as part of the conspiracy. Does anyone know someone who has gone through a similar thing and what sort of things can be done? My mom and I both live in California for whatever it matters.
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I'd recommend trying to inform her doctor about this development. This is something that needs to be addressed at the professional level.
Ditch the psychologist, she needs a real psychiatrist that can write prescriptions. She may need to take anti-psychotic drugs.
Is there anyway that she could stay with you or your sister for a while or that one of you could stay with her? She might find a better mental state if she weren't alone.
You do need to find some way to get her help even if she ends up hating you.
This. Do this. Do it as soon as possible. A therapist can help you with your own shit, but they can also give you some perspective on the best way to handle this situation, for her and for you. Good job convincing her to talk to her therapist about the situation in a way she was comfortable with; that you were able to do that under the circumstances is pretty impressive.
It sounds like everything is happening to her at once, and she's just cracking under it. You are probably going to have to talk to your family at some point if she won't get help otherwise, because she is going to drive herself insane bottling it up.
Whether or not you should say anything to your dad right now probably depends on the kind of relationship they have, why they're getting divorced, and how the process is going, as well as how calm you think he can stay about it considering she thinks he orchestrated all of this. For now (as in until you get a professional opinion), if you talk to someone about this try to be sure they will have her best interest at heart before taking action, because it sounds like she is sick.
I'm really not sure you should talk to her psychologist. If she finds out you've done so it may confirm her paranoia and ruin her relationship with the last few people she trusts. I won't say one way or another, but really think carefully before you do that. It's much better in my opinion if you can convince her to do it.
Wow you would have been SO infracted. You have shown great wisdom this day.
I'm going to go ahead and affirm that your mother is very sick right now. Shift your focus from her to career to her health, because that's what really matters. You need to talk to a psychiatrist right now about what your options are. Stay away from her psychologist unless you're advised to do otherwise. If your mother thinks you're "in on it" things will get much harder because she'll stop talking to you and be sent in further distress by the feelings of betrayal.
If she's medicated, she's probably not taking it right now. That's one of the first things to go when bipolar episodes happen. If she's taking any other types of drugs, things are going to get much, much, much worse in a hurry. I truly wish I could help you more.
1) Talk to a psychiatrist to discuss options. You may need to commit your mother, if just to make sure she gets medicated.
2) Life over career. Bipolar people that get paranoid delusions can be a danger to themselves or other people. This is as serious as a heart attack.
"There is not a man of us who does not at times need a helping hand to be stretched out to him, and then shame upon him who will not stretch out the helping hand to his brother."
I do believe the last 2 while possible are incredibly unlikely. I have seen an ex try to get back and harrass someone. As someone who was there when my step dad, and my moms ex husband was out to get her, this is not really the sort of thing that happend. Moving things around the house and subtly following someone isn't quite how those things play out.
So the trigger is likely stress, divource, selling the house moving are all stressors and can push somenoe who is bipolar over. Reducing the stressors and talking to a psychiatrist will likely be helpful for her. I'm not sure the internet is the best place to determine weather she needs a pharmaceutical solution, armchair pschiatry can give dangerous preconceptions.
They would likely have run into this issue before (family members concerned about a loved one's spiraling paranoia) and could provide bridging guidance. I'm not sure that, if you don't yet have an established relationship with a therapist/psychiatrist, you want to be sitting around waiting to build one while your mother loses control of her life.
http://www.dhcs.ca.gov/Documents/County_Mental_Health_Crisis_Numbers_CMHDA_04182013_ADA.pdf
I disagree with Ceres that you should let the possibility of this destroying your mother's trust or remaining friendships stop you from getting her the help she needs, however. It will probably destroy those friendships eventually anyway, no matter what you do there's a chance she'll eventually believe you or some other friend are part of this conspiracy against her. You can't be careful and avoid it, because delusions defy logic and can explode out of the tiniest details, like a random item out of place, or the way somebody holds their coffee.
And without actually knowing what's wrong with her, there's really no knowing what it could escalate to, or what you need to be ready for. Mental illnesses are a bottomless fractal, the same symptoms could be so many different things with different needs, even professionals sometimes need to experiment with drug reactions or observation to determine a proper diagnosis and treatment plan.
Thank you for this. I called them up and they said that I should try to get her to go to an emergency room and call the police for her city to explain the situation and have them do a welfare check. I'm worried about having the police show up at her house given her state, but I did call them. She wasn't home when they went to check but they said they would check on her a few more times during the day.
I'm trying to get in touch with a psychiatrist in my area to talk to about my options, but I haven't received any calls back yet.