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Asking out a restaurant hostess?
loverboi
Registered User new member
Registered User new member
Restaurant or buffet but anyways ive been there twice but with family though, both times I've gone she has caught me looking at her quite a few times. She is maybe 18-19 and I'm 20. Anyways I left and couldn't say bye cuz she was busy.
But!, I was thinking of going back when they're not busy and asking her out.
This is what I'll start out with.
Maybe say something along the lines of "hey there, I came here last week and I left wanting to tell you that I think you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen and just wondering if you had a boyfriend. If not would you be interested in going out with me?
Would this be weird?
But!, I was thinking of going back when they're not busy and asking her out.
This is what I'll start out with.
Maybe say something along the lines of "hey there, I came here last week and I left wanting to tell you that I think you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen and just wondering if you had a boyfriend. If not would you be interested in going out with me?
Would this be weird?
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I'm not saying don't do it, but it's not generally looked favorably upon. Wait staff, unlike most general retail staff, are paid more to be super nice to you. You can perhaps shoehorn into becoming a friend and working from there, that's about as far as I'd go with that.
I agree with Bowen though. I'm never a fan of asking out someone who is a captive audience. She can't just leave if you start to make her uncomfortable (I'm not saying you will, just that she doesn't have any maneuverability in this situation). If you absolutely have to do it or you'll start spouting poetry everywhere before throwing yourself into the Seine then just ask her for coffee once when she's not busy and if she says anything other then yes take it as a no and don't pursue.
Maybe change the way I say but other than that I've never seen her anywhere else and this is my only chance I guess.
They're at work, and there's a huge amount of pressure for them to not be negative to you. She is basically in a fantastically imbalanced position to you, and it's incredibly awkward for you to put her in an uncomfortable situation she really can't escape from.
I wouldn't do it. There's a whole realm of nuance that could change this, I guess, but my blanket advice would be, "Don't."
Also, is this one of those threads where everyone will tell you not to do something, then you'll say why you're going to anyway?
There's a local chain here called Moxie's that's basically a higher class hooter's; better décor, fancier plating but all the girls are young, thin, blonde, and wearing tiny black dresses. Anyways, when they first opened it was like a social experiment; you got to see the girls start by enjoying all the attention. As the weeks went on you could see them be less and less amused by it all to the point where everytime some douchebag hit on them, their eyes flashed with venomous hate. It was both terrible and awesome, like dinner and theatre all in one.
The thing is, if you hit on her, you're one of those douchebags. She isn't going to swoon and fall into your arms, you're just going to be another annoying bastard who hit on her at work. The only thing you can hope for is to say hello or goodbye on your way in and out and have her initiate.
Also, telling her she's the most beautiful girl in the world? Yeah, that's just not good unless she has an IQ under 70.
1. I always advocate the direct approach over being oblique. Having the confidence to tell someone you're interested is always more effective than pussy-footing around. "You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen" isn't exactly the direct approach, however. It's flattery, and it's pretty empty flattery, at that. It's also not terribly *good* flattery. There's no element here that says "I want to get to know you better." Just "u r hott i put mi dik in u?"
2. Everyone who has said that there is an implicit power dynamic at the workplace is spot on.
3. This is not to say that you should never ever ask out someone at work, you just have to be respectful about that.
4. Probably the most respectful way to deal with that dynamic is to eschew asking her out at her place of business and instead giving her your contact information so that she can get in touch with you if she feels like it. Make sure she doesn't feel pressured, but give her the direct ask when she calls.
my unofficial autobio will be accompanied with tips on how to smile
cause I've found that when they don't see you frown, they never know that you're a threat
and they don't sweat you when you came around
Your take-away here should be "don't male-gaze at women".
Steam / Untappd / Twitter
But in the end, asking people out is often awkward when the person getting asked isn't interested. That's life. So give it a shot. Make it as laid back and low pressure as possible though. Say hi, make a joke, whatever. You should be thinking, 'oh she's interesting,' rather than 'that is the most beautiful creature in existence, i bow before you oh goddess.' Have a take it or leave attitude.
At 20, you need to ask out a lot of girls in terrible ways before your instincts start kicking in and you're capable of being less of a weirdo. So practice
It's a bad idea regardless, but fuck me, don't say that. If you're gonna say something pick anything else other than that.
Well, the reason you don't ask people out at work (especially when they're in the service industry) is because you're messing with their livelihood.
People can get in trouble for things like this, which means having hours cut or even getting fired.
That's a bit more serious than it being awkward for the askee.
The card thing, while not the most romantic of methods, is probably the most low-key way of dealing with it in a situation like that.
I'd also suggest waiting for her after her shift, but that comes across as creepy.
http://battlelog.battlefield.com/bf3/user/Mort-ZA/
@MortNZ
http://steamcommunity.com/id/mortious
Well some of you guys are right I should try elsewhere but problem with that is I don't have many friends and I'm not very social first time I built up the course to ask a women out was a few weeks ago and I was nervous but still a bit confident. But she turned out to be married so yea haha.
Unfortunately I don't have any further advice for you because my friend is going through a similar thing right now and I'm not sure how to help him either.
Be brief, be respectful, expect failure.
Hand her a piece of paper with my name and phone number.
Say "i know this is out of the blue and i never do this but I would really like to get to know you better and if you're not busy give me a call we can hang out or grab a bite to eat. If not, it's no big deal"
I know I gotta work on the line but what the hey the worst that'll happen is she'll say no.
"You seem awesome. If you'd like to grab lunch/coffee sometime, here's my number."
I suppose you can just say something along the lines of "if your interested, call me" then hand her your contact info.
Then after that... walk away. Don't expect anything... just walk away.
This...no flowery speeches, no verbose compliments..
If your going to do this, have your number on a card, hand it to her and say " I would like to take you out sometime...here is my number." Then leave....that's it....don't stick around, give her, her space....and keep it simple. Anything else is unwelcome and quickly could be construed as creepy.
with a 45 year old woman.
Who worked in Real Estate.
I was never the same again.
if it's the kind of woman that digs this sort of thing, you'll have a lot to live up to. If it creeps her out, she won't call, and you can't go back to that restaurant again. Upto you!
Tweeter: @MeekinOnMovies
FB: Facebook.com/MeekinOnMovies
Look presentable, don't act like a goose- before, during, or after the meal- and if she shoots you down, don't take it personally. Chalk it up to experience and go on with your life.
So what's the alternative? Never asking someone out?
I think that at this point, everyone has drilled into the OP's head that he should not just go up to her and ask her out, but I don't think there's anything wrong with doing what most are suggesting--go there, eat, leave her a small note with his contact info, and that's it.
I do agree with your original point that maybe asking someone out solely based on looks is not the best idea, but at the same time, I think you're taking this to the extreme.
Well yes, a hostess looking at you several times during a meal, especially if you're looking at them, and making eye-contact, is not "potential interest", it's someone doing their job.
http://battlelog.battlefield.com/bf3/user/Mort-ZA/
@MortNZ
http://steamcommunity.com/id/mortious
Just keep it simple and calm. Don't say it like you posted. That's all fumbly. You seem interesting, here's my number.
Tweeter: @MeekinOnMovies
FB: Facebook.com/MeekinOnMovies
To give an example: there was a restaurant/pub on my campus I used to go alone to once a week or so, and there was a cute waitress who'd always work at those times when I was there. Once after she served me my food, I made the observation that no one seemed to be leaving tips. She then told me about this policy they have about not accepting tips in on-campus restaurants. I said I thought that was kind of fucked, because it's probably more miserable to wait on a higher concentration drunk frat guys than it would in any other bars/restaurants, and they probably need the tips more being students and all. She laughed, saying that it's especially true since she has to pay off pretty big loans in that "don't let my manager know I'm complaining" sort of way. This led to some more friendly conversation about our respective majors and whatnot, rather longer than the usual waitress/diner chit-chat, but no one seemed to mind because the place was fairly quiet/empty.
After that, each time I would dine there, the waitress would "hang out" with me to chat before or after serving others, even when I wasn't ordering anything. At this point, I could've probably have easily asked her if she wanted to grab a coffee or whatever, but I wasn't feeling it at the time for whatever reason, so we just remained friends. The point is, I was able to make some sort of connection beyond the prescribed professional waitress interaction. I would say if you were there when the place was less busy, and can say something to lighten up her mood or make her laugh, then that's a good "in" for at least more friendly interaction that could lead to more.
However, this is EXTREMELY hard to pull off, and will depend on her mood, how busy the place is, and how attractive she finds you. Sadly, I think the only difference between creepy and cute in these type of public advances is whether they think you're really handsome or not. Which is sort of an unfair double-standard... At any rate, you should come with really low expectations.
BTW - as an epilogue, when my undergrad advisor took my classmate and me to dine there before graduation, we managed to surreptitiously give her a pretty generous tip!
There are other women, there are other places to meet women. Your own introverted nature is not a reason to potentially make this woman uncomfortable at her place of employment.
Please just read Muse's post linked above, think about the realistic likelihood that she will swoon over you instead of having to uncomfortably shut you down, and just move on. There are literally billions of women in the world, most of whom have not caught you staring at them while they're trying to work. A little card is the least shitty thing you can do if you are dead set on this (and hey, maybe you look like Gosling and it will actually work! Do you look like Ryan Gosling?), but keep in mind it is still most likely going to make her uncomfortable and it means never going back to that restaurant again if you don't hear from her.
No pick up line, no saying "you're cute" or any of that crap. Just when she takes your order or serves you, say something funny, witty, random, or off topic. Get her talking, get her laughing, that type of thing. Like how you'd flirt with any other girl.
If she keeps flirting back, ask her out near the end of the meal.
There are PLENTY of other women out there, and I'm willing to bet a lot of them are pretty, share common interests with you, and can be approached in a setting where it's OK to do that sort of thing. Bump into a girl at the zoo. Bump into a girl at the book store. Bump into a girl at the local county fair. SO MANY possibilities.
Leave the hostess alone. Enjoy your meal.
Yup, everyone that's saying something similar, do this.
The trick to not being a creep is to not be a creep. The trick to asking out a person on a compromising situation where they're nice because they need to make rent or utilities is to make it 0 pressure. If she rejects you, OP, you need to deal with it internally and not take it out
A) on her
Roaming packs of yaoi loving girls at anime cons, for instance.