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May 13
2009: No update.
2010: 12 pages. Dave continues alchemizing. A skateboard plus a Hella Jeff drawing results in the zero-grist UNREAL AIR, which does exactly it what it says on the tin: gets unreal air. (He makes another one and quickly captachalogues it doesn't get away.) He then combines an issue of GAME BRO magazine and the TIMETABLES to make a VINTAGE GAMEBRO. A BATARANG and the MIDNIGHT CREW POSTER result in the SUITARANGS. He then combines the poster with the RED PLUSH PUPPET TUX to make FOUR ACES SUITED, which is a real sharp black suit with white tie. ("Anyone wearing this suit is all business.") The plush puppet tux combined with a FELT POSTER results in the FELT DUDS, similar to the other suits but with a broken eight-ball on the chest and is all green. A smuppet and the Felt poster result in the wholly disturbing JUTTING OUT AND IMPUDENT FELT PUSH. Apparently for the hell of it we combine DEAD THINGS IN AMBER with the smuppet to create a FOAM MUTANT SMUPPET ENCASED IN AMBER. We then do the same but OR instead of AND, resulting in the AMBER MUTANT SMUPPET ABOMINATION. In "another backbreaking victory for science", we combine the FETUS IN A JAR and MR. T PUPPET to create FOAM FETAL MR. T IN A JAR. The results manage to even freak the various imps and other underlings out a little.
2011: No update.
2012: 8 pages. "I think your dead girlfriend might be starting to come out of her shell." Jake asks Aranea if she can tell him any more about the demon. And she starts to, at least. She confirms he is a "very 8ig and angry skull monster", but that he cannot be killed due to being indestructible. However, perhaps one day Jake will meet him and deal him his first defeat, perhaps providing "the first glimmer of hope to others that some day, he could 8e destroyed". She stops there and says they need to leave now if he's to meet the others. The scenery of Terezi's forest begins to weave itself into the memory. As they wander out, Jake begins having a debate with his inner-Dirk again, so she interjects and points out that it "wouldn't work between us", what with her being dead and all. Then it gets kind of/even more weird, as she realizes it might be okay if Jake was dead too, but not if he died, like, years from now, etc. Head-Dirk continues on as well and says she's boring, but Jake points out that hey "if i kick the bucket early there will be shall i say a silver lining wink wink nudge nudge". There's also something about "spooky smooches" before Jake realizes he's no longer arguing with his inner-Dirk but out loud. Jake asks Aranea where they're going, and as they journey up to the pink moon, she tells the story of the pre-scratch troll empress. In the process of fleeing her responsibilities, she discovered what would be their version of Sburb. She warns that "regal types can 8e very touchy, even the ones that revel in anarchy" but that she knows how to play the game with her, so to just "let me do the talking". Meanwhile, we ask the Archagent for a report. He can't report in on account of being jail, so we check in with the Penultimagent, the Draconian Dignitary. In the office, DD continues to let the paperwork pile up (also, the FENESTRATED WALLS are already destroyed) and generally continues to roll with his cooler, more laid-back administrative style. Besides, top priority now are "the boy" and a certain "girl" "who's still out there, going rogue". Then he realizes he just used that pun again. Apparently it was Dream Dirk who destroyed the walls, though the fourth one has been missing for a while (something about "some old woman made it off with it some time ago"). DD walks over to retrieve some extra firepower that he calmly and smoothly asked for from the queen earlier. So she gave him the keys to the royal DRONEGORG, a large battlemech of the imperial fleet (the bulk of which is apparently on Earth now, but we can't be sure because DD doesn't really care about that).
SE++ Forum Battle Archive | PST = Pacific Standard Time | DRUNKSTUCK: A Homestuck recap
May 14
2009: 8 pages. TT sets about REVISING John's room, by selecting the appropriate button and dragging the cursor such that it expands the one of the corners of his room. In the newfound space, she opens up the PHERNALIA REGISTRY and deploys the TOTEM LATHE. John is puzzled by the new machine that has magically appeared in his room. TT notes that certain objects appear to be freebies (the registry also contained the CRUXTRUDER and ALCHEMITER) to get players started. Neither of them know what the objects do as of yet. She also asks if John got a copy of the server as well, but he realizes it is probably the envelope that was hidden under the GREEN PACKAGE in his Dad's car. Then she asks John to move to the new far corner of his room, as John asks what fetch modus she uses. (She uses trees due to their elegance.) Now that much closer to the objects in the yard, TT is able to retrieve the copy of WISE GUY and the PDA.
2010: 17 pages. Daves combines his CAMERA and a CAPTCHALOGUE CARD to create the CAPTCHAROID CAMERA, which can apparently take pictures of things and print out a captachalogue card of them. He then uses it to take a photo of himself, which is obviously the coolest thing ever captured with a lens. He the combines the photo card with fetus in a jar, which would make DAVE'S BRAIN IN A JAR, provided he had a billion of some unknown kind of grist. Since he can't make it, he captcharoids the hologram projection. This ranks among the one of the weirdest things Dave has ever done, apparently. His brain, combined with the picture of Hella Jeff, and the camera itself result in the SBAHJIFIER. This thing is so shitty it actually costs negative 1000 grist. He uses it to take a picture of DAVESPRITE, and it automatically prints out a SBaHJ comic, which should now save him the 5 minutes of effort it takes to actually draw them. We get a quick shot of Dave standing triumphantly on his alchemiter, with his new sword, computer, suits, and other weird shit. He then remembers he meant to make copies of Rose's journals. One of them is apparently called "MEOW", and the other is the "Complacency of the Learned". "MEOW" is full of nothing but the letters M, E, O, and W in an apparently random order in Rose's perfect purple cursive script. ("Looks like Rose is totally nuts. What else is new.") Dave takes a peek at the journal, and it appears to from the beginning of a novel. Distilling the dense text into a short summary is difficult, but it appears to feature a group of 12 wizards examining a mass grave. The text talks specifically about Zazzerpan the Learned selecting a group of 12 young disciples, who are then apparently cut down by another group of "bearded, scraggly old men in preposterous outfits". The dense overflowing text was apparently a work-in-progress, as it ends with "'We're going to need more wands.' (Wow. Think of something better." Setting it down, it's easy to agree with Dave that it seems really involved and kind of confusing. He heads back to his room and uses his juice-stained copies of the SBURB BETA as a bookmark, which will obviously never serve any other purpose ever and sets the whole thing on the toilet in his room. He then heads to his computer and notices that Rose is using her new wands to burn the original copies of the journals that Dave just copied. When asked why, she simply says that the MEOW journal contains a genetic and that the gods of the Furthest Ring said to burn them. After discussing how Dave knew of their contents, Rose says that she heard from the gods when she was flying to Dave's tower on Derse. She then asks him if he's ever looked into the sky around Derse without his shades on. He says no, to which Rose says he really should get around to doing so.
2011: 1 page, 1 flash: [ S] Flip.
[ S] Flip.
Audio: "BL1ND JUST1C3: 1NV3ST1G4T1ON !!" by Malcolm Brown. Effects by Toby Radiation Fox.
We begin with Terezi in her REDGLARE outfit on a TELEPORTALIZER. This appears to be a walkabout flash, but hitting the down arrow key results in an OBJECTION! and she begins walking on her own. However, the whole thing seems incredibly corrupted, as artifacts appear all over the screen, Terezi's sprite walks all over the place, and images from previous updates here. There is some text but it is garbled beyond recognition. Terezi walks bay five test tubes, each containing the headless body of a slain troll (in order, Eridan (lower torso), Nepeta, Feferi, Equius, and Tavros). She turns the corner, following a multi-colored blood trail and ascends the flight of stairs.
On the roof, Vriska is ready for her. Also there is Gamzee, weilding the WARHAMMER OF ZILLYHOO with the heads of dead Trolls acting as the "motherfuckin' JURY" but neither of the scourge sisters seem to notice. They talk directly to each here, and so:
VRISKA: Hey Redglare. Nice outfit!
TEREZI: S4M3 TO YOU, M1ND4...
TEREZI: 1 M34N VR1SK4
TEREZI: 4A MUCH 4S 1T P41NS M3 TO 4DM1T, YOUR FRU1TY OR4NG3 F41RYSU1T SM3LLS...
TEREZI: D3L1C1OUS >:[
VRISKA: Thanks! I see you've finally wised up and started taking this rivalry seriously.
VRISKA: It was hard to antagonize you properly while you refused to get in character! :::;)
TEREZI: 1 4M NOT 1N CH4R4CT3R!!! >:O
TEREZI: TH1S 1S S3R1OUS BUS1N3SS VR1SKA!
TEREZI: S33? 1 BROUGHT MY D34DLY C4N3 SWORD 4ND MY COOL CO1N 4ND 3V3RYTH1NG
VRISKA: Yes, I can see that. So you've come for revenge, then. I thought we settled all this a long time ago?
TEREZI: NO, NOT R3V3NG3. JUST1C3! >:]
TEREZI: FOR TH3 D3SP1C4BL3 MURD3RS OF OUR 1NNOC3NT FR13NDS!
VRISKA: Murders? Like, plural?
TEREZI: VR1SK4, PL34S3. DO NOT TRY TO D3NY 1T. 1 FOUND TH3 3V1D3NC3
TEREZI: T4VROS, N3P3T4... 3V3N G4MZ33!! 1 M34N R34LLY VR1SK4. G4MZ33?! >:o[
VRISKA: Gamzee isn't dead, you dope!
[Corruption, image artifacts heavily, showing a cartoonish drawing of Gamzee and other images momentarily (like Rose riding MAPLEHOOF from the secret flash). Vriksa's text becomes garbled, as does the entirety of Terezi's reply.]
VRISKA: Well, yeah ok. There was like........
VRISKA: ONE murder I was responsi8le for.
VRISKA: You know Tavros? That was me.
VRISKA: I guess.
TEREZI: ...
VRISKA: 8ut that's it! He's the only one I killed, just that one guy!
TEREZI: >:\
[FACEPALM x3 COMBO as Lil' Cal joins in to pap Terezi on the forehead. More garbled images appear as the music is corrupted as well, and we appear to skip ahead in the conversation.]
TEREZI: [unreadable] BOTH KNOW YOU C4NT B34T J4CK
TEREZI: 4LL TH4T W1LL H4PP3N 1S YOU W1ILL L34D H1M H3R3 4ND H3 W1LL K1LL US 4LL
TEREZI: H3 W1LL FOLLOW YOUR SUG4RY P1XI13 TR41L W1TH H1S K33N C4N1N3 SNOUT
TEREZI: [As the HERO OF MIND symbol fades in behind her] 1 H4V3 4LR34DY S33N TH1S CONS3QU3NC3 1N MY M1NDS 3Y3
VRISKA: Fascin8ting! Why don't you tell me your terms already??
VRISKA: Forget my pixie trail. At this r8, my snoring will lead him to us! Lol.
TEREZI: WH4T 1 PROPOS3 1S S1MPL3
TEREZI: 1 FL1P
TEREZI: H34DS, YOU ST4Y
TEREZI: SCR4TCH, YOU GO
VRISKA: You're kidding, right? You want LUCK to decide this?
VRISKA: [As the HERO OF LIGHT symbol fades in behind her] May8e you forgot who you're dealing with. I am the Thief of Light. You really expect me to lose a simple COIN FLIP?
VRISKA: I've got AAAAAAAALLLLLLLL THE LUCK, remem8er? >::::)
TEREZI: 1 D1D NOT FORG3T
TEREZI: WH4T W1LL 1T B3, M4RQU1S3?
VRISKA: ........
VRISKA: Just flip the fucking coin, Neophyte.
Terezi flips the coin. As it tumbles through the air, our focus shifts to the coin in front of Vriska's "good eye" and she invokes her powers. Just then, the flash becomes utterly corrupted and the music gets stuck in a loop, with no apparent way to recover.
2012: 5 pages. DD had to turn the Dronegorg down, of course ("no style at all") reflecting that it might be more well-suited for a certain Droll. DD instead proposed an alternative. He notes that this is his boss's problem, instead of trying to work people he just stabs them. "You remind him there are slicker ways to make your moves." Anyway, as DD puts it, "you have to know how to handle her". After all, "regal types can be very touchy". "But if you know all the right things to say and do, she will happily hand over the keys to the kingdom, so to speak". DD pulls the BLACK QUEEN'S RING from his coat. "After all, royalty is royalty."
SE++ Forum Battle Archive | PST = Pacific Standard Time | DRUNKSTUCK: A Homestuck recap
SE++ Forum Battle Archive | PST = Pacific Standard Time | DRUNKSTUCK: A Homestuck recap
May 15
2009: 6 pages. TT deploys the ALCHEMITER on John's upstairs porch and the CRUXTRUDER in his living room. It appears the devices "facilitate a sort of system involving punch card-based alchemy" but neither knows why as of yet. John grabs his Dad's PDA, which is entirely in shades of gray. A Twitter-like app called SERIOUS BUSINESS is installed, where some gentlemen are apparently stressed over coffee stains on one of their neckties. John remains ignorant to what his Dad actually does assumes these folks are fellow street performers. John installs PESTERCHUM on the device so that he now has a portable method to talk to his chums. TT mentions she's been looking around his house a bit as he walks out to where the alchemiter is ("There's a cake in the toilet." "yes. there is.") John approaches the device carefully, which apparently means going and standing right in the middle of the main platform.
2010: No update.
2011: 3 pages. We see the scratched disc spin around and occasionally flashing the last scene from the flash. The text is garbled but we can make out the words: "The disc is too badly damaged. You can no longer play Homestuck." On the next page, we "quit" and the disc stops spinning. A flash of green light later, and we see a green door in a green doorjam surrounded by green paisley wallpaper. The only non-green object is the doorhandle, which is a round, white ball. The page has white text surrounded by brackets.
2012: No update.
SE++ Forum Battle Archive | PST = Pacific Standard Time | DRUNKSTUCK: A Homestuck recap
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