Ho! Ha ha! Guard! Turn! Parry! Dodge! Spin! Ha! Thrust! [Chat]!

spool32

Deebaser wrote: »

spool32 wrote: »

Deebaser wrote: »

skippydumptruck wrote: »

Ludious wrote: »

I'd buy music from itunes if I could do it in a browser without an app

like every other decent digital music seller

I find the purchase experience from amazon way more irritating

like, buy the shit

then launch this proprietary downloader instead of just downloading the file

then like, where is my shit now

whereas with itunes I just buy it and it's in my thing easy peasy

but maybe it's diff on windows and I will come to hate itunes too

I buy album.
It syncs to my phone.
I don't even need to plug my phone into a computer.
iTunes is pretty awesome.
The haters are cray.

I buy album from Amazon. They give me free storage for it. I don't ever sync anything with anything else. 3 seconds later I press play and the music plays.

Then I go log into a browser later and press play and the music plays.

Or I log into someone else's browser at their house and press play. The music plays.

Yeah, I guess that's cool, but I can buy an album from my phone and play it on my phone right away.
I don't need to open my wallet or nuthin.
It's pretty rad. I'm no apple fanboy, but I can't understand why people are calling this remarkable "WELIVEINTHEFUTURE" piece of software Hitler.

On my android, I can do that as well. There's a little Amazon music bar on my screen. I buy an album on Amazon, it's instantly available for streaming.

The main difference is i guess I need to go to Amazon first? On my phone with their app?

It is the same, but I can play it anywhere and store it for free.

Cinders

Honk wrote: »

My god The Great Gatsby trailer looks completely amazing

Will the great Gatsby film make the narrator gay?

Abdhyius

Honk wrote: »

My god The Great Gatsby trailer looks completely amazing

Yeah I've been looking forward to it since the trailer was released. Have plans to see it this week. I've heard mumblings about how it's not all that good but who cares.

(If you did not like the movie I do not want to hear it.)

Winky

Abdhyius wrote: »

Winky wrote: »

Abdhyius wrote: »

the panic isn't irrational. It just gets harder to block it out as the day of reckoning looms.

I just need the day to come around and then I can break down and freak out and then I can start to figure out how to fix shit this time.

My life often feels like an orbit.

I am in constant helpless free-fall but I keep up enough lateral motion that I never hit the ground and instead manage to keep going.

My life seems to be just short of orbiting. I manage to go on like I'm not going to hit the ground until it starts getting very looming.

Well, I should describe it as more of a very irregular elliptical orbit: sometimes I suddenly get much closer to the ground, manage to just scrape by with a miss, and then get launched into space before coming back around for another near miss.

shalmelo

SammyF wrote: »

So It Goes wrote: »

I would buy a jaguar and five hundred audis

Thomamelas wrote: »

The Jaguar is a beautiful car.

Oh the car. I thought SiG was going to buy 120 lbs of jungle cat.

Have you met @So It Goes? She is 120 lbs of jungle cat.

She just needs a way to get around.

Dread Pirate Arbuthnot

It's apparently really obvious when I go inside my own head

Someone told me it was like watching someone hit a power off switch

Posture slumps, light behind the eyes goes out and is replaced with a thousand yard stare, looking at nothing, etc

That is incredibly odd to me but it makes sense I suppose

21stCentury

Dread Pirate Arbuthnot wrote: »

holy shit today is zooming by

like i go home in an hour

and it's monday

da fuq

Actually, Cass, we're already next week.

Pony

Mortious wrote: »

Pony wrote: »

Irond Will wrote: »

Pony wrote: »

I also find that people are less sympathetic to conditions that don't have specified names and might be the subject of ongoing research and understanding.

I have a mental health diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder and also Personality Disorder (Not Otherwise Specified), the latter of which is DSM-speak for "Clearly something is wrong but it doesn't fit existing diagnostic criteria for something more specific".

Even among people who don't have the same stigma for mental illness (like SE++'s threads on brain problems, for example), I can talk about struggling with bipolar disorder but if I bring up my PDNOS issues people are largely confused and sorta struggle to sympathize, because they're not even sure if it's like, a real thing so they're hesitant in case I'm some malingering layabout or something.

I also have some kind of inborn error of metabolism that I've struggled with since a teenager that never had a name or satisfied existing metabolic disorder diagnostic criteria and it was only a few months ago that a doctor did a CT of my organs and went "Oh, you have congenitally malformed adrenal glands, that's probably the source of a lot of this", finally giving me some kind of thing to blame in my body rather than just being a symptoms list.

i mean, basically the nature of existence is unknowable, right? people without physical disorders can often understand what it's like to have a physical disorder - we all know what a leg is and what we use it for, so it's not hard to understand what it's like to not have a leg. we know what it's like to be injured and we know what it feels like to be sick.

mental disorders are different, and i think it goes beyond just stigma. i think it's just hard to actually convey what it's like.

like depression is generally explained as "you've been sad, right? well i'm sad all the time for no reason" but really it's not. the really crippling part of depression are the hits on motivation and sensation a lot more than just the sads. that is - you're sad, but also numb, and also there's no reason and also you think maybe it will always be like this.

and depression is probably the very most accessible and sympathizable of all emotional disorders.

the above is basically true of all mental disorders - they make people act in unattractive and sometimes frightening ways, and they're really really difficult to empathize with in any real way, because it's impossible to get into someone else's head.

I try to explain depression to people who don't suffer it in a way that doesn't rely on emotions. Depression doesn't make you "sad". You end up sad because you are depressed, but that's not what depression is. Depression is the inability to recognize any kind of perspective and it distorts your understanding of the past, present, and the future.

It causes you to hover about, numb and listless, in a constant meaningless present. Your past becomes a horrid blur of all the things you hate about yourself and your life, and the future becomes this grey haze of never-ending being like this.

Depressed people don't just struggle with thinking it will ever get better; they struggle with believing that it was ever better than this. They see their life as this oblivion of an unchanging present. They can't acknowledge that it has been better (or worse) in the past, or that it may ever get better in the future. They don't give a shit about that. They just pass the time, whether it's by sleeping or doing boring things by rote or schlubbing along in their daily grind like an automaton.

A forever present is a level of hell. I think that's a lot more understandable to people than "Well, it just makes you sad and numb."

I've said it before, but that Depression pt 2 comic explained it extremely well. I can't relate to everything in it, and I'm not nearly as bad off as her(him?) and spiders in my hair will always freak me out.

But the suicidal thoughts one was nicely done. It is less wanting to kill yourself and more just wanting to not exist.

It even (slightly) dealt with the fact that depression can be comfortable. Is that the right word? Could probably pick something better.

To all the teenagers reading this: You are lovely people. Thank you for reading Cracked. But holy frijoles, you do some completely idiotic things. Don't worry -- it's completely normal. Thanks to evolution, the teenage brain is all about taking risks, like attacking a woolly mammoth with flimsy spears and having lots of sex with multiple partners, all for the continuation of the species.

For that decade of life, young people don't have a "NO" switch in their brains, and while it meant that a lot of them fell off cliffs while chasing the woolly mammoths, overall it has been beneficial to the species. In fact, you could argue that the people who are successful later in life are the ones who never gave up their lust for taking stupid risks.
But for the most part, as you get older, your brain wants you to stop taking those risks. You already did all your kid-having, now you need to settle down and stay alive so you can raise those children. Forget mammoth hunting; you're picking berries. You are less likely to quit your job and start a garage band at 50 than you were at 17, and that's a good thing.

The problem is that most people grow so scared of risk that they are more likely to stay in situations that make them miserable than take a chance at happiness. Sure, you only drew a three of hearts out of the deck of life, but if you ask for a new card, you might wind up with a deuce. You stick with the misery you know.
And even worse, it actually gets to the point where a change that works out for the better can be scary because it's better. In other words, even if you take the risk and the risk pays off, if you're not used to happiness, then it just feels weird, or phony. Studies have found that taking depressed, self-critical people and trying to make them think positively about themselves just confuses the shit out of them. Make them stand in front of a mirror and shout compliments at themselves and they just think it's weird and pointless. "What is this? Are you making fun of me? This is stupid." It actually takes a whole different type of therapy for those people, because they see warmth and happiness and can only think, "What the hell is this shit?"

Some of you think that's absolutely bizarre, and some of you know that as your everyday life. Ask yourself: When you're sitting in a bar or coffee shop and there's a group of friends next to you just laughing and having the time of their lives, how do you react? Do you find yourself annoyed by that? Do you hate them just a little? There you go.

http://www.cracked.com/article_20398_5-ways-your-brain-tricking-you-into-being-miserable.html

spool32

Winky wrote: »

spool32 wrote: »

Winky wrote: »

Evil Multifarious wrote: »

Someone I was talking to the other day was saying fibromyalgia is likely linked to depression or anxiety - the pain is very real but is caused by neurological issues in the brain itself, and should be treated accordingly. Like a more severe version of the aches and pains and soreness that often accompany depression.

Pretty interesting.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somatization_disorder

Worthwhile read if you're interested in these sorts of things.

EDIT: I think my pet theory when it comes to these things is that the individual is highly suggestible. It's the same principle that allows a person to become hypnotized.

What.

What.

Sorry, I should clarify because it's important. I'm not claiming they're malingering or that it's factitious, I'm claiming that they literally do feel the pain, but they do so explicitly because they believe that they feel the pain. And not in a trivial sense of "they can just stop believing it, then"; believing in the pain is a mode of thought they automatically return to in the same way that someone with depression returns to sadness and thoughts of inadequacy, etc. My point is that I think it's less neurological than it is psychological, and would probably benefit from CBT, or even possibly some nature of psychoactive drug.

How do you even use CBT to help someone stop feeling pain when they're prodded in the arm.
Or CBT to help sharpen the mind to alleviate "fibro fog"?

Ludious

Dread Pirate Arbuthnot wrote: »

It's apparently really obvious when I go inside my own head

Someone told me it was like watching someone hit a power off switch

Posture slumps, light behind the eyes goes out and is replaced with a thousand yard stare, looking at nothing, etc

That is incredibly odd to me but it makes sense I suppose

Real Talk?

As terrifying as it is inside your own head, don't you often find it far more interesting?

Abdhyius

Winky wrote: »

Abdhyius wrote: »

Winky wrote: »

Abdhyius wrote: »

the panic isn't irrational. It just gets harder to block it out as the day of reckoning looms.

I just need the day to come around and then I can break down and freak out and then I can start to figure out how to fix shit this time.

My life often feels like an orbit.

I am in constant helpless free-fall but I keep up enough lateral motion that I never hit the ground and instead manage to keep going.

My life seems to be just short of orbiting. I manage to go on like I'm not going to hit the ground until it starts getting very looming.

Well, I should describe it as more of a very irregular elliptical orbit: sometimes I suddenly get much closer to the ground, manage to just scrape by with a miss, and then get launched into space before coming back around for another near miss.

Yeah. Which was how it was until I stopped missing. I don't think I'm gonna miss this time either.

SammyF

P10 wrote: »

my lack of attendance for a class pushed my grade down in a meaningful way

Even as a 32 year old man, I sometimes have dreams where I'm back in undergrad and freaking the fuck out because I just realized I have an exam in a class that I'd forgotten registering for during the three months between spring semester and fall.

I'm usually panicked as hell when I first wake up, then I'm just angry that a decade of hard liquor hasn't gotten around to killing that particular cluster of neurons yet.

Thomamelas

Elldren wrote: »

Thomamelas wrote: »

If I had fuck you money, I would buy Ralph Lauren's car collection. And I would buy Jay Leno's car collection. And I would merge them.

Ralph Lauren is the biggest gearhead

my stupid rich uncle is car buds with him

I think you can make a compelling argument between him and Leno. Leno's collection is a bit more American focused with a lot more extremely historical pieces like a number of steam driven cars. Lauren's collection is more European focused with an eye towards beauty. But his collection deserves some serious props.

Honk

Abdhyius wrote: »

Honk wrote: »

My god The Great Gatsby trailer looks completely amazing

Yeah I've been looking forward to it since the trailer was released. Have plans to see it this week. I've heard mumblings about how it's not all that good but who cares.

(If you did not like the movie I do not want to hear it.)

It looks so god damn pretty I must go see it

TL DR

Who lives in a Moai head under the sea? :whistle:

TTODewback

This should be a motivational poster in everyone's life.


Be the shark.

Abdhyius

spool32 wrote: »

Winky wrote: »

spool32 wrote: »

Winky wrote: »

Evil Multifarious wrote: »

Someone I was talking to the other day was saying fibromyalgia is likely linked to depression or anxiety - the pain is very real but is caused by neurological issues in the brain itself, and should be treated accordingly. Like a more severe version of the aches and pains and soreness that often accompany depression.

Pretty interesting.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somatization_disorder

Worthwhile read if you're interested in these sorts of things.

EDIT: I think my pet theory when it comes to these things is that the individual is highly suggestible. It's the same principle that allows a person to become hypnotized.

What.

What.

Sorry, I should clarify because it's important. I'm not claiming they're malingering or that it's factitious, I'm claiming that they literally do feel the pain, but they do so explicitly because they believe that they feel the pain. And not in a trivial sense of "they can just stop believing it, then"; believing in the pain is a mode of thought they automatically return to in the same way that someone with depression returns to sadness and thoughts of inadequacy, etc. My point is that I think it's less neurological than it is psychological, and would probably benefit from CBT, or even possibly some nature of psychoactive drug.

How do you even use CBT to help someone stop feeling pain when they're prodded in the arm.
Or CBT to help sharpen the mind to alleviate "fibro fog"?

I think sharpening the mind would fall squarely under the stuff CBT might work for. As can perception of pain. Why are you dismissing this?

Pony

Dread Pirate Arbuthnot wrote: »

It's apparently really obvious when I go inside my own head

Someone told me it was like watching someone hit a power off switch

Posture slumps, light behind the eyes goes out and is replaced with a thousand yard stare, looking at nothing, etc

That is incredibly odd to me but it makes sense I suppose

ayep.

Dread Pirate Arbuthnot

Ludious wrote: »

Dread Pirate Arbuthnot wrote: »

It's apparently really obvious when I go inside my own head

Someone told me it was like watching someone hit a power off switch

Posture slumps, light behind the eyes goes out and is replaced with a thousand yard stare, looking at nothing, etc

That is incredibly odd to me but it makes sense I suppose

Real Talk?

As terrifying as it is inside your own head, don't you often find it far more interesting?

There have been times where some part of me tries to convince myself that I am being 'chained down' by my medicine and I am far more interesting, funny, engaging, witty, etc. off of them.

Which is true, in that I experience mania.

And false in that I am consumed by depression immediately after.

Apparently it is incredibly obvious when I am off my medicine.

Abdhyius

Honk wrote: »

Abdhyius wrote: »

Honk wrote: »

My god The Great Gatsby trailer looks completely amazing

Yeah I've been looking forward to it since the trailer was released. Have plans to see it this week. I've heard mumblings about how it's not all that good but who cares.

(If you did not like the movie I do not want to hear it.)

It looks so god damn pretty I must go see it

Exactly.

Ludious

I too, often have dreams in which I completely forgot to attend a class I signed up for at the beginning of the semester and now must pass the final.

Honk

I have a bug that involves having to restart the computer every time I want to play mark of the ninja. It is the only reason I haven't gotten far in that game. Turns out I don't restart my computer often.

Thomamelas

Dread Pirate Arbuthnot wrote: »

It's apparently really obvious when I go inside my own head

Someone told me it was like watching someone hit a power off switch

Posture slumps, light behind the eyes goes out and is replaced with a thousand yard stare, looking at nothing, etc

That is incredibly odd to me but it makes sense I suppose

Yeah, when those attacks happen your brain is giving you lots of stimuli so you just kinda disconnect. I've seen pictures of myself in that state and it really is like you're empty.

Winky

spool32 wrote: »

Winky wrote: »

spool32 wrote: »

Winky wrote: »

Evil Multifarious wrote: »

Someone I was talking to the other day was saying fibromyalgia is likely linked to depression or anxiety - the pain is very real but is caused by neurological issues in the brain itself, and should be treated accordingly. Like a more severe version of the aches and pains and soreness that often accompany depression.

Pretty interesting.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somatization_disorder

Worthwhile read if you're interested in these sorts of things.

EDIT: I think my pet theory when it comes to these things is that the individual is highly suggestible. It's the same principle that allows a person to become hypnotized.

What.

What.

Sorry, I should clarify because it's important. I'm not claiming they're malingering or that it's factitious, I'm claiming that they literally do feel the pain, but they do so explicitly because they believe that they feel the pain. And not in a trivial sense of "they can just stop believing it, then"; believing in the pain is a mode of thought they automatically return to in the same way that someone with depression returns to sadness and thoughts of inadequacy, etc. My point is that I think it's less neurological than it is psychological, and would probably benefit from CBT, or even possibly some nature of psychoactive drug.

How do you even use CBT to help someone stop feeling pain when they're prodded in the arm.
Or CBT to help sharpen the mind to alleviate "fibro fog"?

I have absolutely no clue. My suggestion is for a direction in research. As in, we should look into how we could apply psychological treatments to fibromyalgia patients and whether or not these things can be effective.

Abdhyius

being interesting is overrated

Sarksus

Man, all you need is a background check to get a rifle or shotgun in NY. No license, permit or registration. Handguns sure look like a pain in the butt to get tho.

TTODewback

Ludious wrote: »

I too, often have dreams in which I completely forgot to attend a class I signed up for at the beginning of the semester and now must pass the final.

Those aren't dreams Lud.
That actually happened.

Pony

Dread Pirate Arbuthnot wrote: »

Ludious wrote: »

Dread Pirate Arbuthnot wrote: »

It's apparently really obvious when I go inside my own head

Someone told me it was like watching someone hit a power off switch

Posture slumps, light behind the eyes goes out and is replaced with a thousand yard stare, looking at nothing, etc

That is incredibly odd to me but it makes sense I suppose

Real Talk?

As terrifying as it is inside your own head, don't you often find it far more interesting?

There have been times where some part of me tries to convince myself that I am being 'chained down' by my medicine and I am far more interesting, funny, engaging, witty, etc. off of them.

Which is true, in that I experience mania.

And false in that I am consumed by depression immediately after.

Apparently it is incredibly obvious when I am off my medicine.

ayep

SammyF

TTODewback wrote: »

Ludious wrote: »

I too, often have dreams in which I completely forgot to attend a class I signed up for at the beginning of the semester and now must pass the final.

Those aren't dreams Lud.
That actually happened.

Once again a thread is sidetracked by a tangent about the narrow but important distinction between "dreams" and "memories."

Abdhyius

Paris St. Germain won the league.

So therefore, riot police and tear gas, naturally.

Kalkino

This is an odd thing to read you all sharing about I must say, if just that my mother developed the mania/depression cycle since I left the country so I'm sort of imagining her experiencing similar cycles.

Mortious

Abdhyius wrote: »

Honk wrote: »

My god The Great Gatsby trailer looks completely amazing

Yeah I've been looking forward to it since the trailer was released. Have plans to see it this week. I've heard mumblings about how it's not all that good but who cares.

(If you did not like the movie I do not want to hear it.)

I've heard mixed reviews. Some parts are good, some parts fall flat.

Pretty much what I expect from a book adaptation.

Apparently DiCaprio 's performance is excellent though.

Winky

Abdhyius wrote: »

Honk wrote: »

My god The Great Gatsby trailer looks completely amazing

Yeah I've been looking forward to it since the trailer was released. Have plans to see it this week. I've heard mumblings about how it's not all that good but who cares.

(If you did not like the movie I do not want to hear it.)

I've heard criticism that the movie was very empty and superficial.

Which is ironic.

21stCentury

i feel so much better on my meds than off that to get off them is unthinkable to me.

i'm a good little patient, letting The Man chain me down with chemical mind control. WAKE UP, SHEEPLE.

HappylilElf

spool32 wrote: »

Deebaser wrote: »

spool32 wrote: »

Deebaser wrote: »

skippydumptruck wrote: »

Ludious wrote: »

I'd buy music from itunes if I could do it in a browser without an app

like every other decent digital music seller

I find the purchase experience from amazon way more irritating

like, buy the shit

then launch this proprietary downloader instead of just downloading the file

then like, where is my shit now

whereas with itunes I just buy it and it's in my thing easy peasy

but maybe it's diff on windows and I will come to hate itunes too

I buy album.
It syncs to my phone.
I don't even need to plug my phone into a computer.
iTunes is pretty awesome.
The haters are cray.

I buy album from Amazon. They give me free storage for it. I don't ever sync anything with anything else. 3 seconds later I press play and the music plays.

Then I go log into a browser later and press play and the music plays.

Or I log into someone else's browser at their house and press play. The music plays.

Yeah, I guess that's cool, but I can buy an album from my phone and play it on my phone right away.
I don't need to open my wallet or nuthin.
It's pretty rad. I'm no apple fanboy, but I can't understand why people are calling this remarkable "WELIVEINTHEFUTURE" piece of software Hitler.

On my android, I can do that as well. There's a little Amazon music bar on my screen. I buy an album on Amazon, it's instantly available for streaming.

The main difference is i guess I need to go to Amazon first? On my phone with their app?

It is the same, but I can play it anywhere and store it for free.

My only real complaint with amazon mp3 is that stuff randomly won't sync with my ipod. So I have to download the mp3s, import them to iTunes, convert all the newly added mp3s to AAC versions and then delete the mp3s from the iTunes library in order to sync my ipod

I'm not sure that's amazon's problem though.

Ludious

usually when I go off on one of my weird tangents or analogies I'm mostly inside my head

TTODewback

Abdhyius wrote: »

Paris St. Germain won the league.

So therefore, riot police and tear gas, naturally.

VIVE LA FRANCE!
*crashes flaming bus into Eiffel Tower*

Abdhyius

I think I should consider seeing someone this fall.

SammyF

TTODewback wrote: »

Abdhyius wrote: »

Paris St. Germain won the league.

So therefore, riot police and tear gas, naturally.

VIVE LA FRANCE!
*crashes flaming bus into Eiffel Tower*

How interesting that you chose to fictitiously crash into the most penis-like landmark that you could immediately call to mind.

Irond Will

Pony wrote: »

Irond Will wrote: »

Pony wrote: »

I also find that people are less sympathetic to conditions that don't have specified names and might be the subject of ongoing research and understanding.

I have a mental health diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder and also Personality Disorder (Not Otherwise Specified), the latter of which is DSM-speak for "Clearly something is wrong but it doesn't fit existing diagnostic criteria for something more specific".

Even among people who don't have the same stigma for mental illness (like SE++'s threads on brain problems, for example), I can talk about struggling with bipolar disorder but if I bring up my PDNOS issues people are largely confused and sorta struggle to sympathize, because they're not even sure if it's like, a real thing so they're hesitant in case I'm some malingering layabout or something.

I also have some kind of inborn error of metabolism that I've struggled with since a teenager that never had a name or satisfied existing metabolic disorder diagnostic criteria and it was only a few months ago that a doctor did a CT of my organs and went "Oh, you have congenitally malformed adrenal glands, that's probably the source of a lot of this", finally giving me some kind of thing to blame in my body rather than just being a symptoms list.

i mean, basically the nature of existence is unknowable, right? people without physical disorders can often understand what it's like to have a physical disorder - we all know what a leg is and what we use it for, so it's not hard to understand what it's like to not have a leg. we know what it's like to be injured and we know what it feels like to be sick.

mental disorders are different, and i think it goes beyond just stigma. i think it's just hard to actually convey what it's like.

like depression is generally explained as "you've been sad, right? well i'm sad all the time for no reason" but really it's not. the really crippling part of depression are the hits on motivation and sensation a lot more than just the sads. that is - you're sad, but also numb, and also there's no reason and also you think maybe it will always be like this.

and depression is probably the very most accessible and sympathizable of all emotional disorders.

the above is basically true of all mental disorders - they make people act in unattractive and sometimes frightening ways, and they're really really difficult to empathize with in any real way, because it's impossible to get into someone else's head.

I try to explain depression to people who don't suffer it in a way that doesn't rely on emotions. Depression doesn't make you "sad". You end up sad because you are depressed, but that's not what depression is. Depression is the inability to recognize any kind of perspective and it distorts your understanding of the past, present, and the future.

It causes you to hover about, numb and listless, in a constant meaningless present. Your past becomes a horrid blur of all the things you hate about yourself and your life, and the future becomes this grey haze of never-ending being like this.

Depressed people don't just struggle with thinking it will ever get better; they struggle with believing that it was ever better than this. They see their life as this oblivion of an unchanging present. They can't acknowledge that it has been better (or worse) in the past, or that it may ever get better in the future. They don't give a shit about that. They just pass the time, whether it's by sleeping or doing boring things by rote or schlubbing along in their daily grind like an automaton.

A forever present is a level of hell. I think that's a lot more understandable to people than "Well, it just makes you sad and numb."

i had depression off and on through my 20s and went on and off medication to try to treat it (nothing really worked well for me). like you described, it wasn't generally sadness so much as a torpor and numbness that i couldn't shake and that just kind of gnawed at me. it happened every spring, like clockwork, and sometimes stuck around, sometimes fled after a few weeks.

it was pretty difficult to describe, and usually i just didn't bother.