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Posts

  • EchoEcho Per Aspera Ad Inferi Super Moderator, Moderator mod
    Pony wrote: »
    Like when a person looks like someone pulled a plug on them when they're experiencing an anxiety attack it's because that's almost literally what is happening.

    When I have those episodes it's like I'm aware of not being aware. I'm sitting inside my own head thinking "this is serious, why can't I feel anything about it?"
  • ShivahnShivahn Registered User regular
    Gooey wrote: »
    depression chat is much less interesting than bass chat

    Nah.

    It's one of the first times in a while I've been legitimately upset to be at work instead of talking about it.
  • shalmeloshalmelo sees no evil Registered User regular
    So It Goes wrote: »
    shalmelo wrote: »
    SammyF wrote: »
    So It Goes wrote: »
    I would buy a jaguar and five hundred audis
    Thomamelas wrote: »
    The Jaguar is a beautiful car.

    Oh the car. I thought SiG was going to buy 120 lbs of jungle cat.


    Have you met @So It Goes? She is 120 lbs of jungle cat.

    She just needs a way to get around.

    I wish

    actually no that's probably too skinny

    Yeah, 120 lbs is awfully skinny unless you're like 5'2". But

    A) I was working with Sammy's numbers
    B) It's always polite to aim low when guesstimating anyone's weight
    Steam ID: Shalmelo || LoL: melo2boogaloo || tweets
  • skippydumptruckskippydumptruck FAK U HODGEHEG Registered User regular
    @irondwill @organichu read that little article about maths ^
  • 21stCentury21stCentury Raiding Relics Everyday Registered User regular
    Sometimes the whole early 20's "who am i?" identity crisis crosses over with my mental illness and my progression to healthiness

    where I'm like... okay, you know that philosophy question, of your body constantly having cells die and be replaced, and at which point do you become a new person?

    I am grappling with an emotional version of that

    Where I've walked away from the trauma and agony and illness that plagued me from 1-19 and I don't really know how to define myself without it

    There are worse things in the world than an identity crisis, though.

    I'd say a person is a 4-dimensional construct, it changes as time goes on, sometimes completely, but remains the same.

    you're you even if you changed a lot. You'll always be you and you will always get better.
  • skippydumptruckskippydumptruck FAK U HODGEHEG Registered User regular
    fucking damn it I do this every time

    @irond will
  • So It GoesSo It Goes Sip. Sip sip sippy. Dumb whores. Best friends.Registered User regular
    shalmelo wrote: »
    So It Goes wrote: »
    shalmelo wrote: »
    SammyF wrote: »
    So It Goes wrote: »
    I would buy a jaguar and five hundred audis
    Thomamelas wrote: »
    The Jaguar is a beautiful car.

    Oh the car. I thought SiG was going to buy 120 lbs of jungle cat.


    Have you met @So It Goes? She is 120 lbs of jungle cat.

    She just needs a way to get around.

    I wish

    actually no that's probably too skinny

    Yeah, 120 lbs is awfully skinny unless you're like 5'2". But

    A) I was working with Sammy's numbers
    B) It's always polite to aim low when guesstimating anyone's weight

    hopefully this year I will make it to 135

    I will accept higher as long as I have giant muscles
    NO.
  • japanjapan Registered User regular
    Kalkino wrote: »
    I must admit to being irrepressibly cheerful and that guy who whistles. Although, when in London I sometimes revert to Stern Face to stop random strangers bugging me for money or charity. Which back fired a couple of times when I was so stern people stopped me on the street, one encounter which almost ended up in a fight. I tried to stop using Stern Face about that point.

    I use charity muggers to practice controlling my facial expression and body language.

    Just holding eye contact with them while maintaining a neutral expression and not breaking stride.
  • EchoEcho Per Aspera Ad Inferi Super Moderator, Moderator mod
    My weight is probably on the low end of fine - I could probably stand to gain a little weight.

    I'd just like to get a higher center of gravity.
  • WinkyWinky Registered User regular
    Pony wrote: »
    Winky wrote: »
    I was thinking about the way I react to identity earlier and I realized that I feel most comfortable when sort of "disembodied". I wonder if it's something to do with growing up playing video games and using the internet.

    I get very upset by the notion that I have to be an entity who can be judged, and kind of subconsciously wish I could always just be a passive observer with a fluid identity. I feel as though I've gotten a lot better at making myself into a person, but I still feel much more comfortable being detached from myself than I do feeling like I am defined by my limited human person.

    we're different sorts, you and i

    what you describe as a preferred subconscious wish sounds like an abyss to me, i'd hate it

    I don't think it's a healthy thing at all, mind you. It's something I actively try to fight against when I can.

    But I really can't deny the fact that I am naturally drawn to the idea of being an observer and a non-entity, and when I am forced to be an entity I freak out about how to gain approval.
    vspgsp.jpg
  • shalmeloshalmelo sees no evil Registered User regular
    Kalkino wrote: »
    I must admit to being irrepressibly cheerful and that guy who whistles. Although, when in London I sometimes revert to Stern Face to stop random strangers bugging me for money or charity. Which back fired a couple of times when I was so stern people stopped me on the street, one encounter which almost ended up in a fight. I tried to stop using Stern Face about that point.

    I'm closer to depressive than I am to cheerful, but I am also "that guy who whistles". Freaks people out, especially in parking garages. But what can I say, I picked it up from my grandpa.
    Steam ID: Shalmelo || LoL: melo2boogaloo || tweets
  • Irond WillIrond Will Super Moderator, Moderator mod
    On August 31, 2012, Japanese mathematician Shinichi Mochizuki posted four papers on the Internet.

    The titles were inscrutable. The volume was daunting: 512 pages in total. The claim was audacious: he said he had proved the ABC Conjecture, a famed, beguilingly simple number theory problem that had stumped mathematicians for decades.

    ...

    The problem, as many mathematicians were discovering when they flocked to Mochizuki’s website, was that the proof was impossible to read. The first paper, entitled “Inter-universal Teichmuller Theory I: Construction of Hodge Theaters,” starts out by stating that the goal is “to establish an arithmetic version of Teichmuller theory for number fields equipped with an elliptic curve…by applying the theory of semi-graphs of anabelioids, Frobenioids, the etale theta function, and log-shells.”

    This is not just gibberish to the average layman. It was gibberish to the math community as well.
    “You don’t get to say you’ve proved something if you haven’t explained it,” she says. “A proof is a social construct. If the community doesn’t understand it, you haven’t done your job.”

    http://projectwordsworth.com/the-paradox-of-the-proof/

    speaking of mania

    this really sounds like the product of a manic episode.

    like - everything is blindingly brilliant and it all finally fits together and makes sense!

    only really it doesn't and it's actually just gibberish
  • shalmeloshalmelo sees no evil Registered User regular
    SammyF wrote: »
    Abdhyius wrote: »
    You know what's wrong with the world?

    There's hardly ever any girls about when I take my thinking walks

    that dark, brooding mysterious look, just wasted.

    This is the same guy who wrote a few pages back that being interesting is overrated?

    BEING interesting is overrated.

    APPEARING interesting is very important.
    Steam ID: Shalmelo || LoL: melo2boogaloo || tweets
  • KalkinoKalkino Buttons LondresRegistered User regular
    japan wrote: »
    Kalkino wrote: »
    I must admit to being irrepressibly cheerful and that guy who whistles. Although, when in London I sometimes revert to Stern Face to stop random strangers bugging me for money or charity. Which back fired a couple of times when I was so stern people stopped me on the street, one encounter which almost ended up in a fight. I tried to stop using Stern Face about that point.

    I use charity muggers to practice controlling my facial expression and body language.

    Just holding eye contact with them while maintaining a neutral expression and not breaking stride.

    Yeah, I have developed a good face and gait now. I can almost always walk down a W/N European street and not be bugged as an Inglesi. Right up until I open my big fat mouth and then it is foolish grins for everyone
    Freedom for the Northern Isles!
  • EchoEcho Per Aspera Ad Inferi Super Moderator, Moderator mod
    I've weighed 120 pounds.

    I'm 6'2".

    That's what "we're taking you to the psych ER now" followed by three weeks of barely eating anything at all does to you.
  • Irond WillIrond Will Super Moderator, Moderator mod
    fucking damn it I do this every time

    @irond will

    i did!

    i suspect it's crazy shit and that the guy was just having a manic episode

    otoh, they thought the same thing about galois
  • PonyPony Registered User regular
    Ludious wrote: »
    I am in and out of therapy. I also suffer from ADD severely, and I have sleep apnea and restless leg syndrome. I say all that because I feel like they play into each other.

    Even taking requip and having a cpap, I feel like most nights I get shit sleep. I wake up tired, I can't focus. I take my wellbutrin (that my doctor keeps fucking with) and my adderall (that my doctor keeps fucking with), and then I am fine...until the medicine that keeps getting fucked with wears off.

    300mg of Welbutrin and my anxiety is helped a lot but my doctor can't up my adderall enough without making me too jittery.
    150mg of Wellbutrin and my anxiety isn't helped enough and the Adderall has been moved from XR to normal, and it wears off in like..1hour.
    SSRI's make me gain weight like whoa and turn me into a zombie that cares nothing for mortals or their silly problems or desires. Let's not even talk about the anorgasmia, and the fact that Wellbutrin has the opposite effect and neither are fun.

    And today my wife had a doctor's appointment and I was talking to her doctor re: her Fibro fatigue and was asking him about nuvigil/provigil and mentioned I had ADD, and while I know it doesn't actually work that good for ADD you see people in those circles talking about it a lot, and it apparently helps Fibro Fatigue quite a bit in some cases. Anyway, I offhandedly mentioned I took Wellbutrin and Adderall and he asked me if I had a deathwish and that I was going to seize on that combo so hooray I'm afraid of my own meds.

    Wellbutrin lowers seizure threshold across the board, it's a pretty well-established fact. Adderall raises some of the risk-factors that cause seizures in some people. Combined, the two are basically non-stop seizure town for most people.

    Well, most people are most people. They're not all people. If you haven't had seizures after being on a wellbutrin/adderall combo platter that keeps getting dicked around with on dosage you're probably not gonna.

    I get seizures sometimes. Is it from the Wellbutrin, or my metabolic problems? Probably the latter, but the former makes it more likely to happen.

    I refuse to let that control my life, though.
  • japanjapan Registered User regular
    Saw Star Trek. Enjoyed.

    Still looking for a cinema with seats that don't become atrociously uncomfortable after half an hour.
  • Ravenhpltc24Ravenhpltc24 Registered User regular
    I've been eating like shit the past couple of days. Going out with my friends where the planned events are: go to the Cayuga Creamery (for ice cream sundaes) and the Glennwood Tavern (for really good cheese burgers) puts me in a position where I can't justify not getting the thing we're there for. Also, it has been so long since I've had a cheeseburger that I couldn't convince myself not to get one. I just feel really shitty all the time instead! Goddammit.
    (V) ( ;,,; ) (V)
  • EchoEcho Per Aspera Ad Inferi Super Moderator, Moderator mod
    Irond Will wrote: »
    speaking of mania

    this really sounds like the product of a manic episode.

    like - everything is blindingly brilliant and it all finally fits together and makes sense!

    only really it doesn't and it's actually just gibberish

    I used to have frequent hypomanic episodes when my depression was worse.

    It's pretty much like being that drunk guy on the dancefloor thinking he's John Travolta except he's just flailing around at random.
  • AbdhyiusAbdhyius Registered User regular
    I shift between preferring to be some kind of incorporeal entity and being as self-aware as my cat.

    I like the latter thing more.
    xlh6c3.png
  • WinkyWinky Registered User regular
    Irond Will wrote: »
    fucking damn it I do this every time

    @irond will

    i did!

    i suspect it's crazy shit and that the guy was just having a manic episode

    otoh, they thought the same thing about galois

    A lot of legitimately brilliant things are the product of a manic episode.

    Most products of manic episodes are not, but still.
    vspgsp.jpg
  • PonyPony Registered User regular
    Winky wrote: »
    Pony wrote: »
    Winky wrote: »
    I was thinking about the way I react to identity earlier and I realized that I feel most comfortable when sort of "disembodied". I wonder if it's something to do with growing up playing video games and using the internet.

    I get very upset by the notion that I have to be an entity who can be judged, and kind of subconsciously wish I could always just be a passive observer with a fluid identity. I feel as though I've gotten a lot better at making myself into a person, but I still feel much more comfortable being detached from myself than I do feeling like I am defined by my limited human person.

    we're different sorts, you and i

    what you describe as a preferred subconscious wish sounds like an abyss to me, i'd hate it

    I don't think it's a healthy thing at all, mind you. It's something I actively try to fight against when I can.

    But I really can't deny the fact that I am naturally drawn to the idea of being an observer and a non-entity, and when I am forced to be an entity I freak out about how to gain approval.

    I think that mindset's come up a few times on here on occasions where you have gotten pretty publicly upset about stuff, in particular about how people think of you or perceive you.

    I try to be as sympathetic to that as I can, but it's a struggle for me to really get on an emotional level because most forms of social anxiety or approval seeking behaviors are completely alien to my brain.
  • Dread Pirate ArbuthnotDread Pirate Arbuthnot Registered User regular
    The insidious thing about my brand of mania is that you think you're just having a really good day and you've finally gotten healthy. In fact, why am I even taking these meds? I feel great. I could wrestle a bear.
  • SammyFSammyF Registered User regular
    shalmelo wrote: »
    SammyF wrote: »
    Abdhyius wrote: »
    You know what's wrong with the world?

    There's hardly ever any girls about when I take my thinking walks

    that dark, brooding mysterious look, just wasted.

    This is the same guy who wrote a few pages back that being interesting is overrated?

    BEING interesting is overrated.

    APPEARING interesting is very important.

    Disagree. Appearing interesting might get you laid, but being interesting might get you laid twice.
  • KalkinoKalkino Buttons LondresRegistered User regular
    japan wrote: »
    Saw Star Trek. Enjoyed.

    Still looking for a cinema with seats that don't become atrociously uncomfortable after half an hour.

    You need one of those fancy lap seats, made out of a big, hairy & muscled man*. Some might call it a bear-seat, but I think that is poor taste

    * It is less of a seat and more of a man with a free lap. You will have to buy him a drink and share your popcorn
    Freedom for the Northern Isles!
  • LudiousLudious Registered User regular
    I want to be an incorporeal entity that is called on for my expertise and only manifests when he is needed.

    I realize exactly what I am saying and really, is it crazy to WANT to be a god as long as you don't think you ARE a god?
    Google Talk: ludious83 My Blog: The Caustic Geek
  • DeebaserDeebaser Way out in the water See it swimmin'?Registered User regular
    Fuck yeah
    VACATION TIME
    #FreeThan
    #FreeScheck
    #FreeSKFM
  • ThomamelasThomamelas Registered User regular
    The insidious thing about my brand of mania is that you think you're just having a really good day and you've finally gotten healthy. In fact, why am I even taking these meds? I feel great. I could wrestle a bear.

    Yep. That's you during mania. Or you "forget" to take your meds.
    There's no living with a killing. There's no goin' back from one. Right or wrong, it's a brand... a brand sticks. There's no goin' back. Now you run on home to your mother and tell her... tell her everything's alright. And there aren't any more guns in the valley.
  • LudiousLudious Registered User regular
    I had kinda given up hope on Star Trek: Into Darkness because I read a couple of early reviews 2 weeks ago and they haaaaated it.

    Mind you it was aint it cool news
    Google Talk: ludious83 My Blog: The Caustic Geek
  • AbdhyiusAbdhyius Registered User regular
    I've been eating like shit the past couple of days. Going out with my friends where the planned events are: go to the Cayuga Creamery (for ice cream sundaes) and the Glennwood Tavern (for really good cheese burgers) puts me in a position where I can't justify not getting the thing we're there for. Also, it has been so long since I've had a cheeseburger that I couldn't convince myself not to get one. I just feel really shitty all the time instead! Goddammit.

    My food this weekend has been two buns, corn flakes, a bowl of penne with sauce from a jar, and uncooked sausages.
    xlh6c3.png
  • TTODewbackTTODewback Pink haired tyrant On my throne of forum faces.Registered User regular
    Lud, there is nothing wrong with think you are a god.
    The plebs should bend the knee lest they fear your wrath.
  • GooeyGooey Registered User regular
    i am 6'1 and i think the lowest i have ever been is 145lbs, and that was scary for me

    i am 175 right now and i still think i am too thin
    919UOwT.png
  • Dread Pirate ArbuthnotDread Pirate Arbuthnot Registered User regular
    Hey! No quotations! I legitimately forget!
  • PonyPony Registered User regular
    The insidious thing about my brand of mania is that you think you're just having a really good day and you've finally gotten healthy. In fact, why am I even taking these meds? I feel great. I could wrestle a bear.

    for me, my mania causes laser-focus. Like most people who struggle with bipolar when I'm manic I'll start projects or have ideas and smash into them with crazy amounts of effort. But even when I don't do that, I'll like... lose myself in playing video games for six hours.

    Not in a depressed "I'm playing video games to just pass the time" kind of way, but in this really engrossed "HOLY SHIT I LOVE THIS GAME" kind of way and then I'm like "oh fuck it's 5 am"
  • Irond WillIrond Will Super Moderator, Moderator mod
    Ludious wrote: »
    I want to be an incorporeal entity that is called on for my expertise and only manifests when he is needed.

    I realize exactly what I am saying and really, is it crazy to WANT to be a god as long as you don't think you ARE a god?

    that kind of sounds like the worst part of being a god

    nowhere near as awesome as the cow-fucking
  • ThomamelasThomamelas Registered User regular
    Alright, my lady love's birthday is coming up. Need to start planning.
    There's no living with a killing. There's no goin' back from one. Right or wrong, it's a brand... a brand sticks. There's no goin' back. Now you run on home to your mother and tell her... tell her everything's alright. And there aren't any more guns in the valley.
  • MortiousMortious Move to New Zealand Move to New ZealandRegistered User regular
    japan wrote: »
    Saw Star Trek. Enjoyed.

    Still looking for a cinema with seats that don't become atrociously uncomfortable after half an hour.

    I'm seeing it tonight.
  • japanjapan Registered User regular
    Ludious wrote: »
    I had kinda given up hope on Star Trek: Into Darkness because I read a couple of early reviews 2 weeks ago and they haaaaated it.

    Mind you it was aint it cool news

    My take on it is kind of: it's definitely a more tightly put together film than the first, but if you hated that, you'll hate this.
  • Irond WillIrond Will Super Moderator, Moderator mod
    Gooey wrote: »
    i am 6'1 and i think the lowest i have ever been is 145lbs, and that was scary for me

    i am 175 right now and i still think i am too thin

    i'm your height. i'm at around 190 right now and would like to get down to around 170-175. i looked and felt better at that weight

    not sure i'd want to be all the way back down to like 150. that was pretty thin
This discussion has been closed.